...one day at a time. i read a short devotion on 'a time for everything, and everything in its time' this morning. i heard someone say "amputation is a form of healing." i am thinking about the clutter of a life lived without simplicity. i know the past 2 years were spent filling up the empty space, but now i think some of the good things need to go, to make room for the better things i've found.
i went on a massive cleaning tirade on friday. i was able to get rid of a mountain of clothing. i dug up boxes from the basement, and was horrified to uncover old Hot Topic paraphernalia and 90s AE tank tops that gave up somewhere around my belly button. i brought a small collection of the less embarrassing, more trendy/treasured pieces to girls group on Sunday, and was surprised by the results. it was a good feeling - all these women playing dress-up in my living room, debating what looks best on who, my old shirts and skirts flung every which way. everyone went home with something. and i felt like we'd done a little piece of church right.
david and i have been toying with the possibility of teaching overseas - of going on a grand adventure, just the two of us, to a new city, a new culture, and a new way of life. we'd be able to save money, travel, and escape the trappings of the sedentary american dream. we'd serve together, problem-solve together, and be nomadic fools for as long as our spirits would allow. this is a long-shot, and a long ways out, but as i looked around at the girls at my house on sunday night, i realized it will break my heart to leave this sincere community we've found.
but i will take it one day at a time. sweet summer is right around the corner. the garden is about to be tilled, the markets are about to open up, the sun is about to linger endlessly in the sky. and all i can do is give des moines (translate: these friendships) everything i've got while i'm lucky enough to be here. can anyone really look back and say "i never took a day for granted"? maybe not. but i will be the first to try.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
love, unshaken
"Do you see what we've got? An unshakable kingdom! And do you see how thankful we must be? Not only thankful, but brimming with worship, deeply reverent before God. For God is not an indifferent bystander. He's actively cleaning house, torching all that needs to burn, and he won't quit until it's all cleansed. God himself is Fire!" - Hebrews 12:28-29 The Message
sometimes, i love looking up familiar passages in The Message. the new way things are written, the fresh perspective and modern take often evoke strong feeling. this passage is no exception, and my stumbling upon it today is no coincidence.
too often i walk through life unaware, and ungrateful of the beauty of the season around me. i take for granted all the blessings, and amplify all the obligations. maybe that is why humans need a break in the routine every once in awhile - to stop and recognize the good stuff.
david and i went to arizona and colorado last week. i want to blog in more detail, but for now i will just suffice it to say that the time away served to illuminate so many blessings, so many good things, in just a few days short days. the bliss of warm sunshine, the awe of cradling a newborn nephew in my arms -a thrilling and unexpected feeling - i get to be this little guy's aunt! the delight of delectable mexican food, the exhaustion of hiking a mountain, the breezy morning jogs around a park, new music in my ears, the comfortable lingering conversation with lifelong friends, in serving and being served, & discovering new delights in small coffee shops and underground bars.
i feel like i try to gather all these things in my arms, tied up with twine, and carry them around with me, but sometimes, the best treasures are held for fleeting instants, and then laid down at the altar in thankful reverence. Do you see what we've got? An unshakable kingdom!
sometimes, i love looking up familiar passages in The Message. the new way things are written, the fresh perspective and modern take often evoke strong feeling. this passage is no exception, and my stumbling upon it today is no coincidence.
too often i walk through life unaware, and ungrateful of the beauty of the season around me. i take for granted all the blessings, and amplify all the obligations. maybe that is why humans need a break in the routine every once in awhile - to stop and recognize the good stuff.
david and i went to arizona and colorado last week. i want to blog in more detail, but for now i will just suffice it to say that the time away served to illuminate so many blessings, so many good things, in just a few days short days. the bliss of warm sunshine, the awe of cradling a newborn nephew in my arms -a thrilling and unexpected feeling - i get to be this little guy's aunt! the delight of delectable mexican food, the exhaustion of hiking a mountain, the breezy morning jogs around a park, new music in my ears, the comfortable lingering conversation with lifelong friends, in serving and being served, & discovering new delights in small coffee shops and underground bars.
i feel like i try to gather all these things in my arms, tied up with twine, and carry them around with me, but sometimes, the best treasures are held for fleeting instants, and then laid down at the altar in thankful reverence. Do you see what we've got? An unshakable kingdom!
Monday, March 8, 2010
where did the weekend go?
friday: david and i were invited for dinner at my friend katie's house. she and her husband live in ankeny and have 2 adorable kids. i haven't seen her in so long, it was great to relax and catch up on the latest in her life. we had pizza, delicious salad, bruchetta, wine - i think i ate about 7 pieces of pizza. i also brought my lame attempt at cookies. they kind of sucked, but oh well. i still ate a few. so much for latest calorie-counting attempt.
by the time we left, it was too late to make an appearance at 8/7 central, so we ended up at my old high school haunt - wynnsong theater, to watch alice in wonderland. it wasn't mind-blowing fantastical (maybe avatar has ruined us all) but it left me feeling right - if that makes any sense at all. and i continue to give johnny depp points for making disturbingly creepy characters somehow endearing.
saturday: AM work at the 'bou - i consciously prayed to God to help it go better and -surprise!- it actually did. although the negativity grates on my spirit by the end of the shift. i am ready to be done there. then we high-tailed it out of here - heading north to cedar falls. the drive was great - spring is attempting to show it's face in patchy brown stretches of grass. i love being in a car with david. we travel well together (as it should be). i'm so comfortable next to him. content.
cedar falls was fun, we dug through piles of old photos of younger versions of david to find pics for our wedding slideshow. jenalee came over and ate dinner with us. the food was delicious and conversation was easy. later, jenalee and i had a lot of time to chat on the couch, sharing a blanket, swapping notes on our lives. i love how close we've become as sisters. she's one of the most beautiful and sincere people i know. it felt like such a good family night all around. words can't really capture it.
sunday: we drove back at 7 AM this morning. there was a thick fog everywhere, but it was so refreshing - the day was yet to begin, and we got to spend the first two hours together, drinking coffee, shaking the grogginess by degrees, goofing off, talking. a perfect way to start the day. when i think about him, all the cheesy phrases apply - i really don't think forever will be long enough. not long enough for all the conversations we've yet to have, adventures we've yet to take, inside jokes we've yet to create. i already can't imagine life without the guy, and we're not even married yet. i am in awe of this love that grows like wild in my heart, blooming everyday, and it is for no reason at all - other than him being himself.
i'm afraid i may not make any sense at all tonight. i'm so tired. i don't want to write about sunday anymore. except to say that our girl's group tonight was so good. it was some deep stuff, some heavy stuff, but there was some hilarious moments too. i know i have a difficult time opening up to any degree, but i really, finally feel like i am a part of something that is safe. and i feel a lightness, because i was able to get some frustrations off of my heart tonight. those girls are a blessing to me in so many unique ways. i learn so much from them. i'm thankful that this has lasted, and i'm thankful for what it's become. community always takes effort and sacrifice, but it is always worth it.
goodnight.
by the time we left, it was too late to make an appearance at 8/7 central, so we ended up at my old high school haunt - wynnsong theater, to watch alice in wonderland. it wasn't mind-blowing fantastical (maybe avatar has ruined us all) but it left me feeling right - if that makes any sense at all. and i continue to give johnny depp points for making disturbingly creepy characters somehow endearing.
saturday: AM work at the 'bou - i consciously prayed to God to help it go better and -surprise!- it actually did. although the negativity grates on my spirit by the end of the shift. i am ready to be done there. then we high-tailed it out of here - heading north to cedar falls. the drive was great - spring is attempting to show it's face in patchy brown stretches of grass. i love being in a car with david. we travel well together (as it should be). i'm so comfortable next to him. content.
cedar falls was fun, we dug through piles of old photos of younger versions of david to find pics for our wedding slideshow. jenalee came over and ate dinner with us. the food was delicious and conversation was easy. later, jenalee and i had a lot of time to chat on the couch, sharing a blanket, swapping notes on our lives. i love how close we've become as sisters. she's one of the most beautiful and sincere people i know. it felt like such a good family night all around. words can't really capture it.
sunday: we drove back at 7 AM this morning. there was a thick fog everywhere, but it was so refreshing - the day was yet to begin, and we got to spend the first two hours together, drinking coffee, shaking the grogginess by degrees, goofing off, talking. a perfect way to start the day. when i think about him, all the cheesy phrases apply - i really don't think forever will be long enough. not long enough for all the conversations we've yet to have, adventures we've yet to take, inside jokes we've yet to create. i already can't imagine life without the guy, and we're not even married yet. i am in awe of this love that grows like wild in my heart, blooming everyday, and it is for no reason at all - other than him being himself.
i'm afraid i may not make any sense at all tonight. i'm so tired. i don't want to write about sunday anymore. except to say that our girl's group tonight was so good. it was some deep stuff, some heavy stuff, but there was some hilarious moments too. i know i have a difficult time opening up to any degree, but i really, finally feel like i am a part of something that is safe. and i feel a lightness, because i was able to get some frustrations off of my heart tonight. those girls are a blessing to me in so many unique ways. i learn so much from them. i'm thankful that this has lasted, and i'm thankful for what it's become. community always takes effort and sacrifice, but it is always worth it.
goodnight.
Friday, March 5, 2010
i promise (SUGAR!) i wasn't tryin' to steal
after working out, making myself a tasty wrap for lunch, and cleaning my room for a bit, i decided to sit and blog a little. that's when "Death to Los Campesinos!" came on my shuffled playlist and knocked any deep, blog-worthy thoughts that were ruminating -smack out of my head. instantly, my legs go shaky-dancy-twitchy and i can't concentrate on anything. this song is killer infectious. the lyrics are so clever and brash. the song builds with great screeching yelps and frantic declarations - you've just got to sing along.
we saw them in omaha, almost a year ago now. it was such a great dive show. and what a fun combination of people. we spent the day, we thrifted and ate fanstastically cheap sushi. we were on the fringe of spring -brave rays of sunshine just beginning to warm the concrete. there was a lot of hopefulness and communion on that trip out west. new friendships and personalities and relationships, brought together by the common thread of music. the show was absolute chaos, and they lived up to everything their album had to offer.
i'm not sure exactly what happened to it all... that vibe, those friendships... somehow it feels almost lost. but winter is almost over. i won't keep dwelling on the past. i won't take all the blame.
maybe the cure is just another good show.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
i have built a treehouse
i choose these words so carefully
like stringing beads for jewelry
to adorn your wrists, to make you feel
so deserving, of everything.
...
a typical monday:
a quiet monday in the office, i spent most of my time catching up on weekend emails, planning a couple meetings, prepping for wednesday, and discussing the new caribou coffee logo.
yesterday, after work, i tutored my little kindergarten friend jadaisha at freedom for youth. she knows me better now, which means she's excited and chatty and affectionate, at first. but she's also comfortable enough with me now to sass back and argue and scribble unintelligable letters onto her worksheets when it comes time to do any actual work. but her smile and her laugh are infectious, and i end up giving in and letting her color every time.
i drove jadaisha and her siblings home while they pushed and shoved and sang songs about elephants in the backseat. j'ronte asked me to drop off his late fees at blockbuster for him, before his mom dissapproved. i wonder so much about what those kids are up against. what are the odds they will make it through all of this okay?
i went straight to work out, and tried to watch part of the bachelor on one of the big tvs - which was increasingly awkward as more people came to work out around me, and the guy on the treadmill next to me was forced to watch jake and vienna slather mud all over each other. embarassing for everyone, really. i instead concentrated on running, which kept getting more and more painful as the minutes ticked by. i'm rather certain i'm getting shin splints - it's a searing, unrelenting pain and it has been happening for the last month - but i'm so stubborn about the whole thing, and i just keep running. maybe i just need new shoes. i hope that is the case.
i picked elizabeth up at the airport and was able to get debriefed on her time down south over some coffee and chai at my place. it sounds like she had a really good time & she got to see her guy in his element, which is important. it's crazy to think about her getting married, but it's also incredible to look at God's hand and timing in all of this.
then david showed up, after a marathon day of work at hillside. he had experienced such an unbelievably emotionally draining day... i wasn't even sure what to say to help comfort him. i felt so angry at the idiotic parents who attack him because they don't have control over thier own lives, much less their bratty kids. i felt so sad at what some of his coworkers are going through. it was a heavy discussion, to say the least.
i went to sleep, thoughts spinning, but woke to such bright sunlight, it felt like a great new beginning. i cranked up some i'm from barcelona and sang along while getting ready. i am almost certain that winter is over. knock on wood...
like stringing beads for jewelry
to adorn your wrists, to make you feel
so deserving, of everything.
...
a typical monday:
a quiet monday in the office, i spent most of my time catching up on weekend emails, planning a couple meetings, prepping for wednesday, and discussing the new caribou coffee logo.
yesterday, after work, i tutored my little kindergarten friend jadaisha at freedom for youth. she knows me better now, which means she's excited and chatty and affectionate, at first. but she's also comfortable enough with me now to sass back and argue and scribble unintelligable letters onto her worksheets when it comes time to do any actual work. but her smile and her laugh are infectious, and i end up giving in and letting her color every time.
i drove jadaisha and her siblings home while they pushed and shoved and sang songs about elephants in the backseat. j'ronte asked me to drop off his late fees at blockbuster for him, before his mom dissapproved. i wonder so much about what those kids are up against. what are the odds they will make it through all of this okay?
i went straight to work out, and tried to watch part of the bachelor on one of the big tvs - which was increasingly awkward as more people came to work out around me, and the guy on the treadmill next to me was forced to watch jake and vienna slather mud all over each other. embarassing for everyone, really. i instead concentrated on running, which kept getting more and more painful as the minutes ticked by. i'm rather certain i'm getting shin splints - it's a searing, unrelenting pain and it has been happening for the last month - but i'm so stubborn about the whole thing, and i just keep running. maybe i just need new shoes. i hope that is the case.
i picked elizabeth up at the airport and was able to get debriefed on her time down south over some coffee and chai at my place. it sounds like she had a really good time & she got to see her guy in his element, which is important. it's crazy to think about her getting married, but it's also incredible to look at God's hand and timing in all of this.
then david showed up, after a marathon day of work at hillside. he had experienced such an unbelievably emotionally draining day... i wasn't even sure what to say to help comfort him. i felt so angry at the idiotic parents who attack him because they don't have control over thier own lives, much less their bratty kids. i felt so sad at what some of his coworkers are going through. it was a heavy discussion, to say the least.
i went to sleep, thoughts spinning, but woke to such bright sunlight, it felt like a great new beginning. i cranked up some i'm from barcelona and sang along while getting ready. i am almost certain that winter is over. knock on wood...
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