love, serve, and obey

"American society does not talk much about calling anymore. It is more likely to think in terms of career. Yet, for many people, a career becomes the altar on which they sacrifice their lives.
A calling, which is something I do for God, is replaced by a career, which threatens to become my god. A career is something I choose for myself; a calling is something I receive. A career is something I do for myself, a calling is something I do for God. A career promises status, money, or power; a calling generally promises difficulty and even some suffering - and the opportunity to be used by God. A career is about upward mobility; a calling generally leads to downward mobility."

- John Ortberg

while some people are able to combine their career with their calling, it is not always the case. we are not defined solely by what generates our income. we need to quit asking people where they work, and start asking them what their passion is, or what projects they are currently a part of, or when they feel most alive.

nesting: year one

before the whole marriage incident, i didn't care to decorate one teensy bit. not one ounce of domestic could be found in this girl. but now that my living space is permenantly occupied by a man that i love oh so very much, there is suddenly this odd, inexplicable itch under my fingertips to buy vases and dust and decorate and nest.

the first time i heard that word, i was in a near comatose state - slumped over on a lumpy fouton in my freshman year dorm room as my mom hovered over me, hands on hips, barely able to conceal her delight at finally getting my angsty butt permenantly removed from her house. we'd just finished hauling all my junk up 4 flights of un-air-conditioned stairs, in late august. she was glancing sideways at the looming mountains of boxes that surrounded me and asked if i wanted any help "nesting." my head snapped up, eyes blazing, because even though i'd never heard that word used in such a way, i knew that was the absolute last thing that i would ever want to do.

but despite my best efforts to remain free of the shackles that tie so many other women down, i find that i now quite enjoy turning our (teensy, tiny, itty-bitty) apartment into a space that could pass for a "home." this has now expanded to include the christmas season. our efforts may have had to encompass 3 trips to target and a tree in various stages of "decorated" over the first few days of december, and we may not have much to show for it, but it's a start. here is documented evidence.

here is david, showing off the start of our tree

our meager collection of decorations (why do you have to buy hooks seperate from the bulbs? shouldn't these 2 items always, ALWAYS be sold together??)not exactly a fantastic picture of me... but david was really into "traditions." like, we are required to have at least two-dozen traditions. jk, jk, but he did really want to capture the moment where we both put on the top of the tree, together, because that is a tradition of ours. check out that hottie, decorating the tree like a boss.good start, honey! looks great...whew! finished product! not too shabby.about to go out to dinner for my bday!

this last photo is included because it just makes me laugh. this is what we do when we go grocery shopping. david sits in tiny carts, while i take pictures of him. we're so mature.

under floorboards

david and i had lunch with ryan and anu on sunday at a little vietnamese restaurant called A-dong on the tail end of a whirlwind weekend. we'd survived. the work christmas party on my birthday, the saturday AM dress rehearsal that ran out of pizza, the blizzard that trapped us inside, the madhouse sunday morning in preparation for the kid's christmas program, the successful (and beautiful) completion of said christmas program, the proper thank yous dispensed and my energy spent. we'd made it.

lunch was celebratory and relaxing - tall, red-headed ryan and exotic little anu are newly engaged and planning a november wedding in india. listening to them bubble over with vision and dreams and hopes for their future together was captivating - they have all these talents and ideals and connections and a real vision for how to weave them together into a plan of action for their lives.

then, the inevitable twinge of uncertainty inside my own heart. i would like to feel sure of my place in this world too. i would like to speak with some sort of conviction about the trajectory of david and i's existence. but i'm still not sure. i can't say where we'll be in a year or two from now, and (what's worse) i don't know where i want to be. i do trust God in all these things... but i also feel like we need to start some forward motion. one foot in front of the other, and hopefully God will show up along the way to swing open some doors.

the most wonderful time of the year

december isn't a good month for a birthday. it never has been.

the problems started young, when people began giving me a combined birthday-christmas gift. even my little 7 year-old brain could compute the fact that this wasn't happening to my may and april birthed sisters. no one else gets one gift for two separate gift-giving occasions... unless your birthday is in december.

things got worse as i got older, and my birthday repeatedly fell into the black hole of "finals week." this happened in high school and in college. everyone was orbiting on their own heart-attack-inducing schedule, and we'd pass like ships (or zombies) in the snow-filled night. i was always so distressed and frazzled, and all my friends were similarly dispositioned, so that we never could celebrate with the oomph required.

i will pause here to say i've have a couple kick-A birthdays. my junior year in college, when i turned 21, there was a surprise party that completely bowled me over. we had so many people packed into our little roth apartment, and there were lots of goofy shenanigans to be had. i remember dancing, pina coladas, balloons, and some game where people had to share memories about me. i felt really loved that night.

in australia, i had the most epic birthday, mostly because it was summertime, it was report back week, and we all went to the beach. i will probably never got to the beach (and actually swim) on my birthday ever again. i got a cake, i got gifts, i got to have a "birthday table" surrounded by loved friends - many who i hadn't seen for the past 3 months as we'd all split up to our respected parts of africa. it was freeing and fantastic because we'd all accomplished some huge things, and now was the time for celebrating. plus, i was in australia.

last year, david threw me a similarly shocking surprise birthday party, during one of the most treacherous snowstorms on record. i thought i was going to his place for dinner, but was greeted by dozens of brave des moines friends who had suffered crazy hazards (ryan walked!) to celebrate with me. i felt so thankful and blessed by the new community of friends and the thoughtfulness of my future husband.

ok. so obviously my birthday hasn't always been so bad. but the icing on the cake, if you will, has been the Children's Christmas Play. i work at a church, and the date of the kid's program (which, unfortunately, feels like a terrifying reflection of my (in)ability to do my job) has relentlessly fallen on my birthday weekend these past 3 years. amid the dress rehearsals and last-minute prop hunting (add to it this year: 2 staff christmas parties, an interpretive "dance" that has yet to actually be rehearsed, and a pizza party for the kids), i've got no time to hit the pause button and whine like a little kid about how it's my special day.

and, in the end, that's the most noticeable thing about growing up. your birthday just clicks on, like every other day of the year. no one gives you a special crown to wear, or makes cupcakes in ice cream cones for you to share, or let's you get away with whatever you want. so, i guess i should be thanking december, for preparing me for what's to come: inevitable adulthood.

still, i will do everything in my (limited) power to keep my future children from suffering at the hands of a december birth.

expressions

lots to say lately, but i never can find the time to blog. the biggest event that has happened since i last posted was elizabeth's wedding weekend extravaganza! i don't even know where to begin - but it was lovely from beginning to end. i loved so many aspects, so i think i'll make a list.

- elizabeth looked breathtaking, stunning, fabulous, gorgeous, etc. on saturday. it's what every bride wants on her wedding day, and when it all comes together - from hair to makeup to the dress to the jewelry - it's perfect.

- extended girl-time in the hotel was so refreshing. i didn't know how badly i needed it until i was driving home on sunday. it was a huge slumber party, and all of us were there because of our friendship with liz. hanging out with martha especially - that girl keeps me laughing.

- extended boy-time with david. we splurged and got a hotel room for saturday night so that after the reception, we could just walk upstairs and crash. and sleep in. and not go to church. and eat a complimentary breakfast. and watch ace ventura in bed. and drink crappy coffee. and just goof off for an unnecessary amount of time.

- seeing elizabeth walk down the aisle with her dad, and seeing her say her vows to craig, was really special. she and i have been through a lot over the years, and over the continents, and have had so many discussions about marriage and boys. she trusted God unswervingly through it all, and i felt so happy and honored to witness God's great, perfectly-timed response.

- loved all the details - the flowers and colors were beautiful and uniquely elizabeth.

- loved catching up with old friends at the reception. i didn't have a chance to do that at my own reception, so it was nice to be able to have some extended conversations with old friends.

wedding are great. i appreciate and enjoy them even more now that i'm done with mine :). i have a lot more respect for the finished product, and i think i pay more attention to the details. cheers, elizabeth! here's to hoping we've still got a few adventures yet up our sleeves.

not just a phase

i've returned from a week in monterrey, mexico. our little mission team accomplished a lot. all said and done, we saw 530 people, and gave out over 700 pairs of glasses. we did children's ministry with 25ish kids, and shared over 125 coloring sheets, and 3 different crafts. i wanted to blog while i was down there, but the lack of reliable internet connectivity and my complete exhaustion that set in by 8 PM was enough to limit me to sparse facebook status updates.

but, i can't deny the fact that some big shifts happened while i was down there. i experienced God, and i felt myself diminish daily. the long, hazy afternoons where the sun sank behind the mountains, illuminating the dusty air in a soft yellow glaze, were like a childhood i'd never had - sitting on the dirty concrete, shouting and jesting witha tight circle of 15 kids as we threw down our uno cards, knees to knees and elbows to elbows, the older ones coaching the younger, amused moms and toddlers looking on - it gave me glimpses of heaven. of a place where those children didn't live in fear of drive-bys and floods, where those moms were liberated from the oppression and suffering of a chauvanistic culture and where Jesus would most certainly reside.

i already know that the optical clinic was a place that showed what true christianity is all about. i already know that by giving the glasses and bibles and prayers and gospel message, Jesus's nature was revealed. but what i wasn't prepared for was how tangibly, physically even, i felt Christ as I set up tiny wooden tables and chairs outside, and waited for the kids to come creeping out of their homes.

it may sound silly, but the coloring and crafts, uno and sidewalk chalk, all served a purpose. it conveyed 2 messages: 1 - that some rich white people actually care, and want to bring a smile to your face because they love Jesus and want to give that love to you. and 2 - you are worth it. every kid is worth it. every last one deserves to be included, to be loved, to be given extra coloring sheets, to win a game of hopscotch.

i also wasn't prepared for how my long afternoons outside would affect me.

i later thought about it like this: lets say that life offers different shaped boxes that we can squeeze our hearts (spirits, souls, essence, whatever you'd like to call it) into. the life i've been living here in america, in des moines, has been a box of a certain shape. i could basically fit my heart into this box, but it took some squeezing, some adjusting, some pushing, and straining to make it fit. but when i was down there, i was presented with a different shape to put my heart into. working 12 hour days, unable to speak the language, but lovinglovingloving til my head hurt - i was wiped out, but the shape of that experience allowed my heart to sink perfectly inside, to dwell and feel a complete peace and contentedness.

time slowed in mexico. our meals were an hour minimum. our watches were abandoned, our calendars went unchecked. there was no cellphone buzzing in my pocket. no headaches from staring too long at a computer screen. no tasks that needed completing. nowhere else i had to be. to be wholly present in a moment, in a place like that, is divine. we had many pretexts, but in the end, i feel our purpose was to build relationships: with the local church, with the patients that came for glasses, with the kids, with one another. by building up the people around us, by expressions and gestures that conveyed love, by the pure time we devoted to the people, i know our faith was shown to be true.

and we also walked away with a greater understanding of the Body of Christ, and with some incredible, lifelong friends.

friends

because, at the end of a long day, sometimes nothing else will do.

i had a very girl-centric weekend, and i continue to be so grateful for the female friendships in my life. friday night was dinner at la rosa and games at mars with emily and tracy, and saturday night was elizabeth's bachelorette party with some legendary uni friends (martha, ashleigh, elizabeth, pictured above). sunday was a refreshing girls group, with lots of good perspective and vulnerability.

as exciting as it is to merge 2 lives into 1 through marriage, i am finding there are some things that only another woman will understand. there is still a language women possess that is older than words.

tonight, david begrudgingly went grocery shopping with me. he's sick, we were grumpy, and let's just say it will not go down in the record books as our most memorable trip to hy-vee ever. i needed tampons. i led the way, pausing the cart to compare prices between kotex, tampax, always, etc. i turned around to say something to david, but he'd disappeared. i noticed him, a good 10 paces back at the end of the aisle, suddenly mesmerized by an irrelevant grilling tools display. we don't grill. and it's october.

and so, i guess, that is where the line will continue to be drawn. somewhere between grilling tools and kotex, there is a place no man will tread. i don't blame him. and i don't need him to tread there. i've got my girls for that sort of thing.

boone scenic valley railroad

the husband and i had a date planned this weekend, that turned into quite the adventure/photo op. nevermind that we got in trouble for trespassing on federal property. it was worth it.

we explored a train graveyard for a few hours and got to play with our cameras

on the train, with his fancy film camera
what a babe!

and then i auditioned for a horror movie inside a burned out caboose

the little train that could
reliving our senior pictures, by a barn covered in green moss

husband feet

junkyard collectables

departures

october never dissapoints.

weekend eating

many of this weekend's events centered around 2 things: being outside, and food.

friday night, david and i met up with my parents, aunt and uncle, and some zion folks for a johnston football game. the real reason i went was to see my cousin play in the marching band, especially since they were doing a Beatles medley. beforehand, i'd gone for a monumental run, so i got some chipotle before the game, and ate the whole burrito. never done that before. yikes.

the football game was pathetic, johnston lost 42-0, but the marching band was fabulous, and it was funny to watch my parents' friends try to shout out which Beatles song was being played. the weather was pristine too - i didn't even need a jacket.

saturday was a late morning jaunt to the farmers market. we didn't need much - a couple onions, peppers, asian pears. i grabbed my signature pupusa, knowing my days of getting these salvadorian delights are numbered.

in the early afternoon, david and i went for run in the toasty sunshine, up grand avenue and back. then we ventured to the world food festival in the east village. we love this event, and have pictures of us at it from 4 years ago. we met up with zach, mary, dana, and timothy, and wandered from tent to tent sampling the eclectic cuisine. i tried alligator, jasmine rice, an indian potato cutlet, an authentic taco topped with cilantro, and had rice pudding for dessert.

as if that wasn't enough, we later met up with a huge group (matt, aimee, anu, ryan, zach, mary, ben, kristen, justin, emily) at fong's pizza downtown. this place is a great dive, and is known for having really unique pizza options. we shared pitchers, breadsticks, and 3 pizzas (cheeseburger, crab rangoon, and thai chicken). we then wandered over to the lift to check out jon pearson's art display. we ended the night at the des moines social club, where a live art exhibition was taking place.

david and i ducked out a little before the rest to catch some snl. we made our signature air-popped popcorn and enjoyed jane lynche as a host, even if the show as a whole is going downhill. it hasn't been funny for awhile now, but we keep hoping.

sunday, after digging through all our leftovers, we made the most unhealthy lunch on record (grilled cheese, twice baked potatoes, and toasted ravioli), but tried to make up for it with a long walk around the neighborhood. in the late afternoon, we met up with zach, mary, and abby to go to a "nav connect" bbq. i found it a little comical, considering i am hardly a life-long navigator, but we wanted to support steve, so we went to see what it was all about.

we ended up seeing a lot of people that looked vaguely familiar, and ate some good burgers out on a someone's huge deck in waukee. steve talked for awhile about the vision of nav connect, and i walked away being rather impressed with the whole idea.

david and i went our separate ways for our sunday night bible studies, and i met the girls over at smokey row. we had a really interesting conversation about social media and technology in general, and how we ought to utilize it/respond to it as christians. i felt like everyone had a lot of insight. i got a carmel apple cider to end my weekend of crappy eating. to make up for it, i'm going to make a huge salad for lunch today.

so much of community centralizes around food, and in some cultures, once you share a meal, you are family. i like these notions... and who could ever pass up a crab rangoon pizza?

we were walking downtown

october skies last night as the sun was going down. this is my favorite month. we're trying to be outside as much as possible - the slight chill in the air a pressing reminder of the season to come.

birmingham is for lovers

okay, maybe not. but david and i did have a fantastic get-away weekend there these past few days. we attended quite possibly my 2nd favorite wedding ever (next to my own, of course).

mike and natalie got married outdoors, on the sprawling lawn of a gorgeous old white mansion on a sunday afternoon in october. her dress was classy and retro, the food defied description, and david and i were able to dance the night away under the stars. it was like a movie. i decided if we ever renew our vows, 25, 40, 50 years from now, we'd do it like that - outside in the fall, an intimate gathering with family and great food and dancing.

david and mike have known each other since kindergarten.

typical cowger posers, in the hotel room at the end of the evening.

we spent monday meandering through the downtown streets of birmingham, and stumbled upon the most incredible antique shop. i just kept taking pictures, because the whole set-up was like someone inviting you into their attic/basement/closet, and letting you dig through all their stuff. i could have spent days in this place. the best part, besides all the old cameras, was the owner's dog, who followed us around with a sweet, curious disposition.

as we continued to explore, we asked the advice of another local shop-owner where to eat, and she recommended this panini/soup/salad restaurant called brick&tin. the best part was the side menu that cited where each ingredient came from, and all of it was local - from urban gardens and nearby farms! i had a veggie panini with grilled eggplant, zucchini, and goat cheese, with cold cucumber soup on the side. it was heavenly.

photo credit must be given to my new ipod for almost all the pictures in this post (except the wedding day ones). i only wish the resolution was a bit higher, but i'll take what i can get.

wide open birmingham streets.

our lovely rental car and the broken parking meter we found - that eternally gave us an hour and 36 minutes to do as we pleased.

(completely cheesy alert) the best part about the whole trip was getting so much unfiltered david time. we travel well together. we keep each other entertained, we goof around, we laugh a lot. we love stories - whether we are listening to them or reading them or repeating them. we gravitate towards the same types of adventures and off-the-beaten-path shops and dives.

we even play solitaire together.

our lives have merged so effortlessly into the other's, and when we get to stretch our newly married wings, we do it best on the open road, with a little unknown and a lot of excitement... and a couple nasty taquitos from QT for added flavor.