today is my wedding day. in about 20 minutes, things are going to burst into a whirlwind of endless activity. it might be ridiculous to blog on this day, but i think it is exactly what i need to do - to be fully present, to treasure these special moments.
last night was already incredibly perfect. the rehearsal was really good, with tears and laughter. the dinner was even better - in a gorgeous, mangnificent house overlooking rolling iowa countryside, the sun setting, the heat lightning in the distance, and everyone we love gathered near to us to reminisce and celebrate. it was so special. the food was perfect, the ambiance was perfect - hats off to the kellers for hosting 50 plus people in their home.
elizabeth and jess spent the night last night. jess dove on my bed after midnight, exclaiming her excitement for tomorrow. nothing like having an aussie around to liven things up a bit.
i woke up a lot during the night, but was able to fall back asleep. this morning, i rolled over and decided to go for a short run. my nerves were already shot - felt so jittery with an uneasy tummy. i did a little less than 2 miles and just tried to pray and observe all the creation around me - even ants, beetles, a robin with a worm dangling, the light through the leaves, i just tried to soak up every second. it was a hard run. i could hardly get one foot in front of the other. but i'm glad i did it. it centered the day a little.
then, hair appointment at serenity aveda in vw mall. the girl was really sweet, we chatted for awhile, then i kind of sunk into a quiet, reflective daze while she did my hair. she did a fabulous job. sarah was there too, and i'm glad she was. it was a good few moments with her before everything goes full throttle. on my way out, i saw calypso was having a sidewalk sale, and seriously considered some of the cool vintage furniture they had. how silly would that be, a bride on her wedding day, packing some retro vinyle chairs into her trunk?
i put my seatbelt behind me on my way out of the parking lot, so it wouldn't mess up my hair. i promptly got pulled over by a cop. i almost started hyperventillating. it was unreal. he comes up to the window, and says he saw i wasn't wearing my seatbelt. i started rambling and talking a mile a minute about not wanting to mess up my hair, and then told him that today was my wedding day. he was taken aback, and i could tell he felt bad. he asked for my lisence and said he would get me right out of there. while he ran my info, i sat there, on the overpass, cars whizzing by all around me - everything was so surreal, and funny. how ridiculous. people looking at me, with my fancy up-do and my shaking hands. i could barely even give him my lisence because of the new nails and because of my shaking. he let me off with a warning.
i drove through starbucks after that, in need of some caffeinated comfort, and the lady asked if i was going to a wedding. i told her yes - my own. she smiled and gave me back my money and wished me a great day. how sweet.
now i sit in my apartment. i'm struggling to eat a granola bar. i've got to pack for tonight. i've got to write a check or two and i'm sure there are other things i'm forgetting.
but i am so incredibly excited. i want to savor all of this, soak up every second. i feel how i did when i left for australia (although it is magnified 245 times). so excited for the adventure, a peace and a knowing that it is going to be so good and so worth it - but also some anxiety because of all the unknown. there's just no way to know what marriage is like until you walk through - just like there is no way to know what another country is like until you've been there. its a little sad and a little scary to leave your family, to say goodbye to a season and a part of your life that you'll never have back... but it is an uneven trade in the end, for all you know you will gain by laying that past stuff down. and i'm a little nervous because i think God is about to open up a whole new book of lessons for me - there is so much that He has in store, and so much He wants to teach me. am i ready?
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
8 days
there has been some really good moments lately. it's a mixture of the summertime with it's slow melting horizons, and of poignant family moments, and of a deep gratitude for everything being so sparkly and brand-new. i feel a lot of hope and a lot of optimism lately, standing here at the beginning of a huge adventure.
all said and done, i had 4 wedding related showers leading up to the main event, and every one was fantastic because i got to celebrate with people that i cherish, in small, intimate groups. while i'm itching with excitement for the wedding day, i'm worried i won't be able to connect with everyone in a mere 5ish hours, so i was so grateful for these little parties ahead of time. i love relationships, and i am just in awe when i stand back and look at all the lives that God has weaved in and out of my own.
and, of course, i'm continually in awe of david, of the man God fashioned him to be. i love his uniqueness - all the little silly details that make him him. we had a rough moment yesterday... the realization of a door shut in our faces and it took some time to talk through the different angles and what it meant for us. but as the conversation was fading, i looked up at him from where i was sitting on the floor. despite the frustration and sadness, he had a twinkle in his eye - the start of a smile - and he tackled me and we laughed and kissed and decided we could be broke and unemployed and down and out, but we would always have each other, and that is what matters most.
i guess when all the wedding stuff is said and done, all those massive checks are written and cashed, and everyone has driven home, we will be so happy because we achieved what mattered most all along - an extravagant celebration of relationships - family, friends, marriage - and an offering of thanks and praise to the Creator who gives all the good gifts my heart can't bear to contain.
all said and done, i had 4 wedding related showers leading up to the main event, and every one was fantastic because i got to celebrate with people that i cherish, in small, intimate groups. while i'm itching with excitement for the wedding day, i'm worried i won't be able to connect with everyone in a mere 5ish hours, so i was so grateful for these little parties ahead of time. i love relationships, and i am just in awe when i stand back and look at all the lives that God has weaved in and out of my own.
and, of course, i'm continually in awe of david, of the man God fashioned him to be. i love his uniqueness - all the little silly details that make him him. we had a rough moment yesterday... the realization of a door shut in our faces and it took some time to talk through the different angles and what it meant for us. but as the conversation was fading, i looked up at him from where i was sitting on the floor. despite the frustration and sadness, he had a twinkle in his eye - the start of a smile - and he tackled me and we laughed and kissed and decided we could be broke and unemployed and down and out, but we would always have each other, and that is what matters most.
i guess when all the wedding stuff is said and done, all those massive checks are written and cashed, and everyone has driven home, we will be so happy because we achieved what mattered most all along - an extravagant celebration of relationships - family, friends, marriage - and an offering of thanks and praise to the Creator who gives all the good gifts my heart can't bear to contain.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
tuesday, i tried to put into words...
How Strange, Innocence
Unbearable nostalgia tonight.
In the countryside scenery on the long drive home,
Soft rises and falls of hills and fields with hay bales wound tight
the most memorable iowa landscape
always has been the skies that swallow everything in one breath
that blush with every imaginable color in one sunset,
that stretch summer nights so wide
the canvas shares the sun, the moon, the stars.
Tonight, the linear line of time cracked
In the rustled leaves, the chorus of bugs and birds
As grandma unfolded rusty metal chairs
and arranged them in a semicircle.
We soaked in the evening breezes of summer,
Watching the cat chase a mouse between cars,
We laughed about the mistakes of early motherhood,
The silly injuries procured in our childhoods,
The fraility of age, with reminders typed on typewriters, taped to generators
In case the day comes where she has to do it alone.
Tonight my grandmother, life rosy in her cheeks,
Got to laughing so hard she couldn’t finish her story
And in her shinning eyes I saw a giddy school girl,
A teenager in love, a twenty-something on her wedding day,
A glimpse of what she’s made of, behind a limp and bowed shoulders
- the realization: her heart has never aged a day.
My childhood summers were wrapped around these scenes
In this yard, with cups of cold water, tangled hair stuck to damp foreheads
Fingertips stained purple from the blackberries, bug bites itched raw,
A blissful unawareness of anything other than the present moment
Constant awe and fascination only children can have
Outside the confines of formality, simple honest curiosity
The adults rewriting the history beneath the setting sun,
The cousins playing cops and robbers until the night draws its heavy curtain
Tonight as I passed the airport, the last embers cooling in the sky
I watched planes take off, my heart raw to every movement
Suddenly exhausted with the notion that I had done it:
I’d gone back in time. For one last night, for a few graceful seconds
I was 5, 8, 10, 15, simultaneously. My spirit uninhibited,
my emotions epic and heartbreaking
I know now, there’s no stopping growing up.
But this all will become a part of me. (I will carry this with me).
Unbearable nostalgia tonight.
In the countryside scenery on the long drive home,
Soft rises and falls of hills and fields with hay bales wound tight
the most memorable iowa landscape
always has been the skies that swallow everything in one breath
that blush with every imaginable color in one sunset,
that stretch summer nights so wide
the canvas shares the sun, the moon, the stars.
Tonight, the linear line of time cracked
In the rustled leaves, the chorus of bugs and birds
As grandma unfolded rusty metal chairs
and arranged them in a semicircle.
We soaked in the evening breezes of summer,
Watching the cat chase a mouse between cars,
We laughed about the mistakes of early motherhood,
The silly injuries procured in our childhoods,
The fraility of age, with reminders typed on typewriters, taped to generators
In case the day comes where she has to do it alone.
Tonight my grandmother, life rosy in her cheeks,
Got to laughing so hard she couldn’t finish her story
And in her shinning eyes I saw a giddy school girl,
A teenager in love, a twenty-something on her wedding day,
A glimpse of what she’s made of, behind a limp and bowed shoulders
- the realization: her heart has never aged a day.
My childhood summers were wrapped around these scenes
In this yard, with cups of cold water, tangled hair stuck to damp foreheads
Fingertips stained purple from the blackberries, bug bites itched raw,
A blissful unawareness of anything other than the present moment
Constant awe and fascination only children can have
Outside the confines of formality, simple honest curiosity
The adults rewriting the history beneath the setting sun,
The cousins playing cops and robbers until the night draws its heavy curtain
Tonight as I passed the airport, the last embers cooling in the sky
I watched planes take off, my heart raw to every movement
Suddenly exhausted with the notion that I had done it:
I’d gone back in time. For one last night, for a few graceful seconds
I was 5, 8, 10, 15, simultaneously. My spirit uninhibited,
my emotions epic and heartbreaking
I know now, there’s no stopping growing up.
But this all will become a part of me. (I will carry this with me).
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