wedding day

today is my wedding day. in about 20 minutes, things are going to burst into a whirlwind of endless activity. it might be ridiculous to blog on this day, but i think it is exactly what i need to do - to be fully present, to treasure these special moments.

last night was already incredibly perfect. the rehearsal was really good, with tears and laughter. the dinner was even better - in a gorgeous, mangnificent house overlooking rolling iowa countryside, the sun setting, the heat lightning in the distance, and everyone we love gathered near to us to reminisce and celebrate. it was so special. the food was perfect, the ambiance was perfect - hats off to the kellers for hosting 50 plus people in their home.

elizabeth and jess spent the night last night. jess dove on my bed after midnight, exclaiming her excitement for tomorrow. nothing like having an aussie around to liven things up a bit.

i woke up a lot during the night, but was able to fall back asleep. this morning, i rolled over and decided to go for a short run. my nerves were already shot - felt so jittery with an uneasy tummy. i did a little less than 2 miles and just tried to pray and observe all the creation around me - even ants, beetles, a robin with a worm dangling, the light through the leaves, i just tried to soak up every second. it was a hard run. i could hardly get one foot in front of the other. but i'm glad i did it. it centered the day a little.

then, hair appointment at serenity aveda in vw mall. the girl was really sweet, we chatted for awhile, then i kind of sunk into a quiet, reflective daze while she did my hair. she did a fabulous job. sarah was there too, and i'm glad she was. it was a good few moments with her before everything goes full throttle. on my way out, i saw calypso was having a sidewalk sale, and seriously considered some of the cool vintage furniture they had. how silly would that be, a bride on her wedding day, packing some retro vinyle chairs into her trunk?

i put my seatbelt behind me on my way out of the parking lot, so it wouldn't mess up my hair. i promptly got pulled over by a cop. i almost started hyperventillating. it was unreal. he comes up to the window, and says he saw i wasn't wearing my seatbelt. i started rambling and talking a mile a minute about not wanting to mess up my hair, and then told him that today was my wedding day. he was taken aback, and i could tell he felt bad. he asked for my lisence and said he would get me right out of there. while he ran my info, i sat there, on the overpass, cars whizzing by all around me - everything was so surreal, and funny. how ridiculous. people looking at me, with my fancy up-do and my shaking hands. i could barely even give him my lisence because of the new nails and because of my shaking. he let me off with a warning.

i drove through starbucks after that, in need of some caffeinated comfort, and the lady asked if i was going to a wedding. i told her yes - my own. she smiled and gave me back my money and wished me a great day. how sweet.

now i sit in my apartment. i'm struggling to eat a granola bar. i've got to pack for tonight. i've got to write a check or two and i'm sure there are other things i'm forgetting.

but i am so incredibly excited. i want to savor all of this, soak up every second. i feel how i did when i left for australia (although it is magnified 245 times). so excited for the adventure, a peace and a knowing that it is going to be so good and so worth it - but also some anxiety because of all the unknown. there's just no way to know what marriage is like until you walk through - just like there is no way to know what another country is like until you've been there. its a little sad and a little scary to leave your family, to say goodbye to a season and a part of your life that you'll never have back... but it is an uneven trade in the end, for all you know you will gain by laying that past stuff down. and i'm a little nervous because i think God is about to open up a whole new book of lessons for me - there is so much that He has in store, and so much He wants to teach me. am i ready?