love, serve, and obey

"American society does not talk much about calling anymore. It is more likely to think in terms of career. Yet, for many people, a career becomes the altar on which they sacrifice their lives.
A calling, which is something I do for God, is replaced by a career, which threatens to become my god. A career is something I choose for myself; a calling is something I receive. A career is something I do for myself, a calling is something I do for God. A career promises status, money, or power; a calling generally promises difficulty and even some suffering - and the opportunity to be used by God. A career is about upward mobility; a calling generally leads to downward mobility."

- John Ortberg

while some people are able to combine their career with their calling, it is not always the case. we are not defined solely by what generates our income. we need to quit asking people where they work, and start asking them what their passion is, or what projects they are currently a part of, or when they feel most alive.

nesting: year one

before the whole marriage incident, i didn't care to decorate one teensy bit. not one ounce of domestic could be found in this girl. but now that my living space is permenantly occupied by a man that i love oh so very much, there is suddenly this odd, inexplicable itch under my fingertips to buy vases and dust and decorate and nest.

the first time i heard that word, i was in a near comatose state - slumped over on a lumpy fouton in my freshman year dorm room as my mom hovered over me, hands on hips, barely able to conceal her delight at finally getting my angsty butt permenantly removed from her house. we'd just finished hauling all my junk up 4 flights of un-air-conditioned stairs, in late august. she was glancing sideways at the looming mountains of boxes that surrounded me and asked if i wanted any help "nesting." my head snapped up, eyes blazing, because even though i'd never heard that word used in such a way, i knew that was the absolute last thing that i would ever want to do.

but despite my best efforts to remain free of the shackles that tie so many other women down, i find that i now quite enjoy turning our (teensy, tiny, itty-bitty) apartment into a space that could pass for a "home." this has now expanded to include the christmas season. our efforts may have had to encompass 3 trips to target and a tree in various stages of "decorated" over the first few days of december, and we may not have much to show for it, but it's a start. here is documented evidence.

here is david, showing off the start of our tree

our meager collection of decorations (why do you have to buy hooks seperate from the bulbs? shouldn't these 2 items always, ALWAYS be sold together??)not exactly a fantastic picture of me... but david was really into "traditions." like, we are required to have at least two-dozen traditions. jk, jk, but he did really want to capture the moment where we both put on the top of the tree, together, because that is a tradition of ours. check out that hottie, decorating the tree like a boss.good start, honey! looks great...whew! finished product! not too shabby.about to go out to dinner for my bday!

this last photo is included because it just makes me laugh. this is what we do when we go grocery shopping. david sits in tiny carts, while i take pictures of him. we're so mature.

under floorboards

david and i had lunch with ryan and anu on sunday at a little vietnamese restaurant called A-dong on the tail end of a whirlwind weekend. we'd survived. the work christmas party on my birthday, the saturday AM dress rehearsal that ran out of pizza, the blizzard that trapped us inside, the madhouse sunday morning in preparation for the kid's christmas program, the successful (and beautiful) completion of said christmas program, the proper thank yous dispensed and my energy spent. we'd made it.

lunch was celebratory and relaxing - tall, red-headed ryan and exotic little anu are newly engaged and planning a november wedding in india. listening to them bubble over with vision and dreams and hopes for their future together was captivating - they have all these talents and ideals and connections and a real vision for how to weave them together into a plan of action for their lives.

then, the inevitable twinge of uncertainty inside my own heart. i would like to feel sure of my place in this world too. i would like to speak with some sort of conviction about the trajectory of david and i's existence. but i'm still not sure. i can't say where we'll be in a year or two from now, and (what's worse) i don't know where i want to be. i do trust God in all these things... but i also feel like we need to start some forward motion. one foot in front of the other, and hopefully God will show up along the way to swing open some doors.

the most wonderful time of the year

december isn't a good month for a birthday. it never has been.

the problems started young, when people began giving me a combined birthday-christmas gift. even my little 7 year-old brain could compute the fact that this wasn't happening to my may and april birthed sisters. no one else gets one gift for two separate gift-giving occasions... unless your birthday is in december.

things got worse as i got older, and my birthday repeatedly fell into the black hole of "finals week." this happened in high school and in college. everyone was orbiting on their own heart-attack-inducing schedule, and we'd pass like ships (or zombies) in the snow-filled night. i was always so distressed and frazzled, and all my friends were similarly dispositioned, so that we never could celebrate with the oomph required.

i will pause here to say i've have a couple kick-A birthdays. my junior year in college, when i turned 21, there was a surprise party that completely bowled me over. we had so many people packed into our little roth apartment, and there were lots of goofy shenanigans to be had. i remember dancing, pina coladas, balloons, and some game where people had to share memories about me. i felt really loved that night.

in australia, i had the most epic birthday, mostly because it was summertime, it was report back week, and we all went to the beach. i will probably never got to the beach (and actually swim) on my birthday ever again. i got a cake, i got gifts, i got to have a "birthday table" surrounded by loved friends - many who i hadn't seen for the past 3 months as we'd all split up to our respected parts of africa. it was freeing and fantastic because we'd all accomplished some huge things, and now was the time for celebrating. plus, i was in australia.

last year, david threw me a similarly shocking surprise birthday party, during one of the most treacherous snowstorms on record. i thought i was going to his place for dinner, but was greeted by dozens of brave des moines friends who had suffered crazy hazards (ryan walked!) to celebrate with me. i felt so thankful and blessed by the new community of friends and the thoughtfulness of my future husband.

ok. so obviously my birthday hasn't always been so bad. but the icing on the cake, if you will, has been the Children's Christmas Play. i work at a church, and the date of the kid's program (which, unfortunately, feels like a terrifying reflection of my (in)ability to do my job) has relentlessly fallen on my birthday weekend these past 3 years. amid the dress rehearsals and last-minute prop hunting (add to it this year: 2 staff christmas parties, an interpretive "dance" that has yet to actually be rehearsed, and a pizza party for the kids), i've got no time to hit the pause button and whine like a little kid about how it's my special day.

and, in the end, that's the most noticeable thing about growing up. your birthday just clicks on, like every other day of the year. no one gives you a special crown to wear, or makes cupcakes in ice cream cones for you to share, or let's you get away with whatever you want. so, i guess i should be thanking december, for preparing me for what's to come: inevitable adulthood.

still, i will do everything in my (limited) power to keep my future children from suffering at the hands of a december birth.

expressions

lots to say lately, but i never can find the time to blog. the biggest event that has happened since i last posted was elizabeth's wedding weekend extravaganza! i don't even know where to begin - but it was lovely from beginning to end. i loved so many aspects, so i think i'll make a list.

- elizabeth looked breathtaking, stunning, fabulous, gorgeous, etc. on saturday. it's what every bride wants on her wedding day, and when it all comes together - from hair to makeup to the dress to the jewelry - it's perfect.

- extended girl-time in the hotel was so refreshing. i didn't know how badly i needed it until i was driving home on sunday. it was a huge slumber party, and all of us were there because of our friendship with liz. hanging out with martha especially - that girl keeps me laughing.

- extended boy-time with david. we splurged and got a hotel room for saturday night so that after the reception, we could just walk upstairs and crash. and sleep in. and not go to church. and eat a complimentary breakfast. and watch ace ventura in bed. and drink crappy coffee. and just goof off for an unnecessary amount of time.

- seeing elizabeth walk down the aisle with her dad, and seeing her say her vows to craig, was really special. she and i have been through a lot over the years, and over the continents, and have had so many discussions about marriage and boys. she trusted God unswervingly through it all, and i felt so happy and honored to witness God's great, perfectly-timed response.

- loved all the details - the flowers and colors were beautiful and uniquely elizabeth.

- loved catching up with old friends at the reception. i didn't have a chance to do that at my own reception, so it was nice to be able to have some extended conversations with old friends.

wedding are great. i appreciate and enjoy them even more now that i'm done with mine :). i have a lot more respect for the finished product, and i think i pay more attention to the details. cheers, elizabeth! here's to hoping we've still got a few adventures yet up our sleeves.