under floorboards

david and i had lunch with ryan and anu on sunday at a little vietnamese restaurant called A-dong on the tail end of a whirlwind weekend. we'd survived. the work christmas party on my birthday, the saturday AM dress rehearsal that ran out of pizza, the blizzard that trapped us inside, the madhouse sunday morning in preparation for the kid's christmas program, the successful (and beautiful) completion of said christmas program, the proper thank yous dispensed and my energy spent. we'd made it.

lunch was celebratory and relaxing - tall, red-headed ryan and exotic little anu are newly engaged and planning a november wedding in india. listening to them bubble over with vision and dreams and hopes for their future together was captivating - they have all these talents and ideals and connections and a real vision for how to weave them together into a plan of action for their lives.

then, the inevitable twinge of uncertainty inside my own heart. i would like to feel sure of my place in this world too. i would like to speak with some sort of conviction about the trajectory of david and i's existence. but i'm still not sure. i can't say where we'll be in a year or two from now, and (what's worse) i don't know where i want to be. i do trust God in all these things... but i also feel like we need to start some forward motion. one foot in front of the other, and hopefully God will show up along the way to swing open some doors.