hopscotch.

i have been floating around in a blissful cloud for the past few months - some call it summer - unaware of the simple, consistent happiness i had found. but isn't that typical? you never notice something until it's gone.

these last few days have been a strange void. the subtle shifting of seasons could hold partial blame, but really i'm not sure why i've been down lately. i mean, there are dozens of trite, surface-level reasons, but deep inside, at the root of it all, i'm not sure what has suddenly gone amiss.

i read an article about gluttony yesterday. it talked about the sin of excess. how gluttony has very little to do with food, and much to do with selfishness and isolation. "Gluttony is primarily about seperating ourselves from others." "Gluttony is the temptation that most often suceeds in drawing us away from our duties. The deadly aspect of gluttony is always twofold. Immoderation not only emaciates our mind and heart; indirectly it lets someone else starve."

i felt like i'd been kicked in the back of my knees, because that is what i've been doing lately as i've hid out in my little mopey rut: i've been selfish. i've put myself ahead of others. i've snapped at my cousins, at my boyfriend, at God, at customers at caribou. i've ignored phone calls and lacked follow-through. i've felt somehow entitled to this anger. so leave me alone.

but i know i need people. i need to get my hands dirty again in the community of it all. it has always been the hardest thing for me to do, and yet the most essential.

and i need to go for a run. the rhythm will shake the cobwebs.