26

the snow is coming down - like sideways sheets, like clouds that lost their way, they settle on frozen earth. i am generally thrilled for nights like these - trapped in the haven of this toasty apartment, my car wedged eternally in a snowdrift out front. nowhere to go, nothing to do. the sky, a muffled hue of orange from downtown city lights, punctuated by blackbirds and the bare, craggy branches of shivering trees.

but tonight, david has a birthday dinner planned for me. with a booked week ahead, this was the only night that worked. so, in a few moments, i will brave the wild winter to travel to his home. at least he had the foresight this year to prepare a meal as opposed to going somewhere. and tomorrow, i had a list a mile long of work-related requirements that will now get frustratingly postponed. and, worst of all, the last Christmas play practice was supposed to happen tomorrow night. without it, we chuck these kids head-first into performance weekend, and i'm personally freaking out about that.

but what can i do? i know i should accept this forced-pause and take stock of all the good things in my life. i am on the doorstep of 26. i have nightmares of suddenly being so old, so tired, and so sad for all the moments i missed. my greatest fear was always dying... as a little kid i'd stay up late and cry, just thinking about mom, dad, my sisters, and myself, all eventually succumbing to death. but now i know that the best way i can quench my fear of death, is to give my 1 shot at life everything i've got. so, my question becomes: how will 26 bring me closer to the life God has intended for me?