i finished this book earlier in the week. i'd give it a 3 out of 5 stars. the author's writing style was almost excruciatingly well-done, in order to suite the first-person narrator he was trying to embody... but it left the book lacking at times (which haddon may have very well intended, but i still didn't love it). it was a clever concept, to write wholly from the viewpoint of a young man with autism, and an overall good plot. while there's a happy ending vibe, i think i was secretly hoping the twists and turns would lead somewhere more memorable. it's a great concept, and it's executed well. still, not something i'd go ranting and raving about to all my friends.

.....

i'm sitting in my apartment right now, up to my ears in damp socks, boxers, t-shirts, cardigans, underwear; all drying on every available surface in this itsy-bitsy place. we're out of quarters, and this afternoon had tried to stuff the dryer for all it's worth, to no avail. we just ended up with a warm, damp ball of wrinkly clothing. we had to scurry around like mice, trying to spread everything out to dry before driving over to the keller's house for dinner.

we had a meeting tonight about south africa, the summer mission trip that david and i are planning on taking. a trip i'd assumed would be under-the-radar; a quiet retreat for us both to hone our teamworking skills out of the limelight of zion lutheran. a trip where we could serve and love others together. a trip where i wouldn't have to lead.

things aren't turning out at all like i'd wanted or expected. it looks like lots of other zion people are wanting to take this trip too. by the end of the meeting, i'd pretty much been nominated leader, and had been told to start advertising the trip at zion and think of some fundraising strategies.

i'm having a bad attitude about it, because i'd envisioned something entirely different. after years of getting looked at/scrutinized as a "leader," when i personally would never define myself as such, i just wanted a break. an escape. a chance to be one of the crowd, one of the team, and go with the flow. i don't want to organize informational meetings, write announcements in the bulletin, plan fundraising events, write letters to the trust fund. i'm not good at that kind of stuff.

but i'm finding this theme repeated in life a lot lately (which means i need to learn it already): you don't get what you want. life doesn't fit in nice, neat, proper little boxes. it's messy, and it's difficult. and anyway, it's not my mission trip... it's God's. i need to decrease, so He can increase. i need to get over myself and my idyllic little vision of david and i, side by side, telling kids about Jesus. that can still be the case, but i need to open my vision up to more. and that includes more serving the people around me right now - including zion people who may need the experience of a mission trip to open up their hearts to the heart of God.

i need to get over myself already, and maybe i need to go for a run to clear my head.

and i need to put away all these clothes.