as cities burn

soon she'll become my new sun,

soon she'll become my dim reflected love,

to light my way

after i trade loving You, for loving to obey.

because even with my feet on the path,

our quiet hearts lost contact.

so, now i'm wandering off,

just to hear You calling me back.

...

ran to this album yesterday. certain seasons of life can be encapsulated in the music you chose back then. this album narrates the frustration i felt in australia... the blind obedience they demanded, their resistance to the question "why"? don't get me wrong, my 6 months with that organization changed my life... God changed my life in that place. but there were some serious flaws that got brushed under the table.

the odd thing was that yesterday, i was trying to listen to a completely different song, but got led to this album by mistake. and now, 3 years later, it's still ringing true. the boldfaced questions, the doubt, the struggle. i'm in this now. so, have i really grown at all? or are we all feedback loops; the stories we tell ourselves?

i feel like i'm testing God. i'm pushing buttons. i'm throwing rocks and temper tantrums. i'm behaving like a child. i'm yelling "HEY. are You really there??" i'm demanding a sign. a lightning bolt. a whisper. a miracle. a burning bush. anything. i start to replace Him with obedience. with actions that never measure up. and i get more and more frustrated.

...

won't you come down, heaven?

won't you come down?

won't you cover the ground, won't you come down?

(did your clouds stop His voice?)