i can't hear out of my ears today. they keep popping, in and out of muffled symphony, making voices sound like they're covered in pillows and quilts - my own voice jarring, trapped next to my brain. these are the leftover symptoms of a nasty earache.
i'm in a funk these last couple days. i feel rather like a failure. i look around and i see everyone in cute houses, with cute pets and kids and lives. all structure and routine and matching furniture. i see people in jobs they love - jobs that light up their eyes as they talk about all the endless possibilities. i pass people by on the other side of the street - cute girls in skirts, holding bikes - and i feel like i don't know anyone anymore. i can't be bothered with these things. i eat gross frozen meals because i am too lazy to even make myself a sandwich before work. i feel cluttered by all my possessions. i have dreams that throw me off all day long - like it's 5 years ago. i sleep too much, then i don't sleep enough. i read strange books. i hurt david's feelings when critiquing dinner. i don't make enough time for God. i can't run more than 2 miles. i hate all this complaining. all these circles, no symmetry. no way to get to point A from point B.
okay. i'm done. sometimes i just need to dump all these insecurities out of my head. then i can start new.
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