notes

david and i are doing the marriage counseling thing. we're 2 weeks in, and reading the book "saving your marriage before it starts." i admit, i think i came in with a skewed confidence - i thought our relationship was exceptional and invincible. while i still am amazed by all the strength that david and i have, it's so far been really eye-opening for me. i now see the potential and need for growth, too.

since i'm terrible at remembering what i read unless i make notes, i'm gonna write down some key things that struck me in the reading this week.

personal qualities that contribute to successful communication:

1. warmth - the notion that you have chosen to accept your spouse no matter what - qualities that are lovable and unlovable - overlooking the blemish for the sake of the beauty behind it. unconditional warmth invites God's grace into the soul of your marriage.

2. genuineness - expressed in tone and nonverbal behavior, eyes and posture. authenticity has to become something you are, not something you do. don't play a role - instead, be yourself.

3. empathy - see the world from your partner's perspective. everyone interprets life from a composite of unique insights and perceptions. empathy brings together both sympathetic and analytic abilities, both heart and head, to fully understand our partners.

rules for successful communication:

1. make "i" statements, not "you" statements
2. practice reflective listening
3. understand and accept the differences btwn men and women
4. apologize when neccesary
5. communicate through touch

-women typically focus on relationships, men typically focus on problem solving

what every husband should know about his wife:
- she needs to be cherished
-she needs to be known
- she needs to be respected

what every wife should know about her husband:
-he needs to be admired
-he needs to have autonomy
-he needs shared activity

i think the biggest thing swirling around in my mind after our last session is the idea that we need to speak positively to our spouses, and about our spouses. publicly and privately, we need to build one another up. the best couples i can think of are ones that aren't afraid to say the sweet stuff in front of others, and the ones that only speak highly of their spouse..... oh, and the ones that laugh a lot together. you gotta laugh. often.